Lost Memories

Honestly I forgot I had this already :\

I found out yesterday a girl I went to high school with was murdered. Murdered. How does that happen? She was in the grade below me and I had choir with her, but everyone knew her anyways. But not because she was super popular or pretty, but because she was so strong. She had been diagnosed with Leukemia in middle school. Through most of high school she was was battling for her life. She went through surgeries, chemo, all kinds of things. And through it all she was a happy person! She's one of those girls you just absolutely fall in love with. Apparently she married into an abusive relationship, but got out (another strong strong thing to do!) but unfortunately he was jealous when she started to see someone else... and shot them both.

Everyone who knew her is just in shock. How does this sort of thing happen to such a wonderful person? How can one man decide that he is going to rid the world of such a great woman?! HOW DARE HE. How dare someone change the world in that way. How dare someone decide that they are powerful enough and important enough to take someone else's life.

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Physical Thinking

There are more ways to be spoiled then through money. I've never been broken. I've never had to survive after something ended without my planning it. I've always had something to fall back on. The only thing I've ever done all by myself was my Vet Tech school. Interestingly enough I put my whole heart into it.

I need that again. I need to cut the apron strings (Sorry Mike you now have an apron) and toughen up. I don't know right now if I could rely on myself to get through things. I need to explore myself. Scary as that sounds, I'm completely comfortable with it. The idea came up that maybe I need to live by myself for a little while. I've always been terrified of that. Completely terrified. But right now.. that actually sounds ok. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I need something like that. If I can afford it, maybe I should once the lease is up.

A lot of thought needs to go into a decision like this, but I feel like if it's possible, I should. I need to test my own strength and find out my capabilities.

I need to be broken.

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